Forgotten Fathers and
Their Unforgettable Children
 

In the early 1970s, Arthur Shostak accompanied his partner to a well-groomed suburban abortion clinic. They had both agreed abortion was best. But sitting in the waiting room proved to be a "bruising experience." By the time he left the clinic, he was shocked by about how deeply disturbed he had become.

A professor of sociology at Drexel University in Philadelphia, Shostak spent the subsequent ten years studying the abortion experience of men. His study included a survey of 1,000 men who accompanied their wives or girlfriends to abortion clinics.

Shostak's study was published in a book, Men and Abortion: Lessons, Losses and Love, in 1984. The value of this study is limited to reporting mostly the short term reactions of men to the pregnancy and the decision to abort.

In addition, because of the selection process, this study did not reflect the attitudes or experiences of men who did not accompany their partners to the abortion clinic--which could be because they were unaware of the pregnancy and abortion, because they were casual or unsupportive partners, or because they were opposed to the abortion. Despite these significant limitations, Shostak's study, using the largest group of men ever surveyed about their abortions, is still the benchmark study in this understudied field.

Shostak reported that the majority of the men surveyed in clinic waiting rooms felt isolated, angry at their partners or themselves, and were concerned about the physical and emotional damage abortion might cause their partner.

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Learn more: Read about the latest study on abortion's impact on men's relationships.

When people think about the role of men in abortion, it seems that they usually think about the stereotype of the man who forces the abortion or the male who abandons. However, there are many roles the man may have played in the experience. One man may have been involved in several abortions, each with a different scenario. The impact on fathers is mitigated by the role they play in the abortion. They fall into separate categories.

If you are a caregiver, you need to know that sometimes the man makes contact with a caregiver under the guise of seeking help for his partner or trying to understand what his partner is experiencing. If he is looking for materials about the aftermath of abortion, ask if this is for himself or for a partner. If it is for a partner, you can ask, "Are you the father?"

This is hard for him to discuss, but it is critical to acknowledge that men can struggle after an abortion loss. You can ask, "How can I be of help to you?" You may also be able to ask at some point if this is his first abortion experience. Listening to him can be an enormous gift.

A man can come to recognize that an abortion experience touched him in many different ways. Each man has his own unique story but there seem to be some common elements.

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Post-Abortion Trauma in Men
Still Overlooked
Catherine Coyle, Ph.D.

[More than thirty] years have passed since the legalization of abortion in the United States. In those years, numerous studies have documented the potential negative effects of abortion on women. The effects of abortion on men however have been largely ignored by both the scientific community and American society.

The few published studies concerning men suggest that, like women, men may experience grief,¹ anxiety, guilt, helplessness,² and anger.³ The fact that men tend to repress their emotions may also make it more difficult for them to resolve their grief.⁴

Even men who support their partner's abortion may experience ambivalent feelings such as relief along with anxiety, anguish, grief, and guilt.⁵ About half of the men interviewed by these authors reported that one year after the abortion occurred, they still had frequent (monthly) thoughts about it.⁶

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