"God, why?"

"I remember seeing so many scared, young faces just like mine."

"I didn't realize then how serious my situation was."

My mother decided I should have an abortion … my oldest brother took me to the clinic. When I walked into the abortion clinic I remember seeing so many young, scared faces just like mine. … I remember waking up in a room all alone and scared.

I was living in Texas, with my mom, dad, and four brothers. My parents divorced when I was 13. My mother was sick most of my childhood life, in and out of hospitals and mental institutions.

Then in the eighth grade I met someone who was 19 years old (I was only 14 years old.) I think I leaned on him for support because my dad had moved to another state for job reasons and my mom was sick. In some ways I was a little mother for my four brothers.

My boyfriend abused me by slapping me and controlling everything I did. I was just a child. I didn't realize then how serious my situation was. We started having sex and I got pregnant.

My mother decided I should have an abortion and my boyfriend gave me the money to go. My oldest brother took me to Dallas to have the abortion. I was only four weeks pregnant.

When I walked into the abortion clinic I remember seeing so many young, scared faces just like mine. …. I remember waking up in a room all alone and scared. I went home and little did I know that my trouble and pain were just beginning.

I was still being abused by my boyfriend and then my mother was sick. … I had to live with an aunt I did not know.

My two younger brothers lived with different aunts and my older brothers stayed in Texas. I had lost my family and still hadn't realized how my abortion affected me.

Time went by and I met new friends but I was still a very hurt and confused teenager. I was watching TV one evening and a show came on about conceiving a baby and how it grows inside the mothers womb. Then it talked about abortion.

For the first time in my life I realized what I had done. I started crying and screaming. I ran into my bedroom and hit the walls with my fists. I was sobbing, “God, why?” I cried for hours.

I am 33 years old now and still there are days when I cry. Every day of my life I have pain inside of me.

I think it should be a law for women, especially teenagers, to see a film on abortion before they decide to have one. I know it would have saved my baby's life.

I don't blame my mother because she still saw me as a child … I carry the responsibility and the pain.

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